My Relationship With Mammograms
My earliest memory of mammograms was in 1999 when I was watching The Rosie O'Donnell Show after school and she takes her friend to get a mammogram (this would not be the last time I got crucial information from Rosie O'Donnell, she also later taught me about the signs of a lady heart attack). Rosie went behind the scenes and gave us raw, real, transparent journalism and frankly, deserved The Peabody Award. I remember watching and thinking, well that seems easy!
Thanks to Rosie, I couldn't wait to get a mammogram. My paternal Grandmother had breast cancer twice so I always felt some fear around it and wanted to make sure that if there was something to catch, I caught it early. Every doctor told me I wasn't at risk and didn't need to get a mammogram until I turned forty.
Time passed and I started creeping up on forty (which honestly was much more scary than the prospect of the mammogram) so I started asking people in my life who'd gone before me and that's when I started to hear these tales of horror.
Wait. What? Rosie O'Donnell had NEVER led me astray, surely these people had to be lying? But again and again from friends, family and the internet, stories of pain and trauma.
Nevertheless, She Persisted
I made my mammogram appointment about a week before my fortieth birthday. As luck would have it (or rather the Instagram Algorithm), a few days before my appointment a woman posted about her experience getting a mammogram and how she had googled all of the things beforehand and was riddled with anxiety leading up to the appointment. She then says that when she finished, she remarked how easy it was and promptly passed out. When she came to, she learned that she didn't pass out from the actual experience of getting the mammogram, but from the anxiety about getting the mammogram. The mind is a tricky and powerful mistress, beware.
All of that said, I have heard from people that it can sometimes be painful, especially depending on your breast and the amount of tissue you have. The good news is that it truly doesn't last long and you gain a bunch of information.
Let's Get Into It
I scheduled it for a Friday because TGIF? A no nonsense but kind woman referred to me as a virgin when I told her I was getting my first mammogram and brought me into a room. At this point I'm in a paper gown, breasts out for the world to see. Naturally, as she's positioning my right breast on the plate (they do one breast at a time), I asked her some hard-hitting questions:
Me: You must see a lot of breasts, how many do you think you've seen in your lifetime?
Her: Well, I've been doing this for 20 years and I see about 35K breasts a year
Me: (terrible at quick math), Wow, so you've seen millions of breasts.
*they tell you not to wear deodorant or lotion on or near your breasts before the appointment so make sure to schedule yours in the morning*
Me: I don't love that I'm just meeting you like this and I don't have deodorant on. Do I smell?
Her: No, you don't smell at all.
Me: I feel like I smell.
Her: That's good, it means you're aware of yourself. I've had some smelly people come in here, people who've told me they haven't showered in days.
Me: Can I tell you my greatest fear for today?
Her: Of course.
Me: You're going to smoosh my breast so flat that my nipple flies off.
Her: *awkward pause reminding me that some thoughts should be kept private* That's impossible.
As we're talking, she's gently holding my breast and adjusting it on the plate. The top plate slowly pushes down on your breast and while you do feel some pressure, I didn't think it hurt at all. If you're someone who is claustrophobic you might feel some stress because you are definitely locked in, but it's only for a moment or two. She shows me how to stand and instructs me to hold my breath while the machine does its thing. In total, you're locked in four times- two head-on and two to the side. All in, we spent more time talking than smooshing breasts.
My results came pretty quickly. If you have dense tissue you should have further scans done just in case because something could be hiding in that tissue that the basic scan can't see. Keep in mind, if this is your first time and you're establishing a baseline, they may find some wonkie things, better to get them checked than sit in fear and worry.
Who Should Get a Mammogram
If you have breasts, you should get a mammogram. If you have a history of breast cancer, you should have a mammogram. If you've never had a mammogram, you should get a mammogram. If you're bored and want to check in on your breasts, you should get a mammogram.
In Conclusion
As a proud member of the Spice Girls Generation, I can honestly say that I had more stress about calling to make the appointment for the mammogram (pick up the phone and speak to a human? Ew David) than I had during the actual mammogram. It was SO EASY and now I have a baseline Doctors can refer to every year. The anxiety of not knowing is a powerful motivator for me so I scheduled early, and you better believe I'll schedule annually. The moral of this blog post is really just to trust Rosie O'Donnell.